So, I wonder, do I really dare to write on the blog what its really like when I have a chemo week? We all want to hear the good news. But I am beginning to understand that when they hook me up like they did Tuesday for the chemo that its going to be a tough week. Day 2 is always the best because of the steroids. Day 3 when I get unhooked from the pump I am feeling pretty puny. And tired of being sensitive to the cold - no milk, cold potato salad or anything like that.
But then there is Day 4. Like yesterday. The fatigue sets in and I sleep then sleep some more. We had friends come and we went out for lunch. And then the fatigue sets in and I can't keep going. Its a drain on Sandy and friends (Sandy says I should not say this because its not a drain - but I worry that it is so I'll leave it in...). Then last night I escaped! Yup! I had a flash of desire for food at 9:30 pm last night. Sandy had gone to bed. And I got in the car and went to Dillons! Whohoo! But I forgot about the side effects of the chemo - and I reached my hand into the dairy case that had the hot dogs - big, plump hot dogs is what I wanted - and my fingers felt like they had been frozen with frostbite. Ouch. I grabbed the package and tossed it in the basket. Then made my way down to the buns. By the time I got to the check out counter I was wiped out and beginning to wonder if I could make it back.
And that's when I spotted it - outside - a pop machine. And at the bottom of the list was ORANGE pop for 35 cents! I dug out 50 cents and snagged me a cold pop and then OUCH! I couldn't hardly hold the can in my hand. I made it home and fixed my hot dog. Lots of mustard. And two whole swigs of pop. Ahhh - they call that living the good life don't they!
I wonder - do I ever tell anyone about the dark mornings? The depression that sets in because I can't move? And do? The exhaustion that keeps me glued in my seat while I sip coffee and stare out at the trees and birds? Sandy and I spent 2 hours this morning just sitting and talking. It was raining outside. And quiet inside. What a great time. I'm glad for the quietness sometimes.
I fell asleep again this morning after getting exhausted going out to Walmart. How can that be? A simple thing you would think - its not a marathon or anything like that. But I'll do what I can - and then sleep. And when I wake up - we'll hope its better. As my brother reminded me last night - when I am whipped with the chemo and its effects - that means its working. Gosh I hope so.....
Stay tuned - Gary
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